Healing Hurts Is Not Easy

I read an an Article today in “The Speaking Tree” newspaper was really good, I just wanna share it with you..

 

How you choose to handle them determines whether your relationship continues on course or veers off track, writes CHERIE CARTER-SCOTT
There will be times when your partner disappoints you, lets you down, hurts your feelings, or betrays your trust. How can you reconnect when your heart and soul feel bruised…. This can be the most challenging task…yet it is also among the most necessary if you are to continue as an authentic couple…. We aspire to be our best selves with our partner, and when we fall short of the mark – which as humans we invariably do from time to time – it is disappointing.
 
How do you deal with the hurt feelings you caused, inadvertently or otherwise? The best thing you can do…is to take responsibility for your actions. When you refuse to own up to your part in hurting your partner’s feelings or injuring her pride, you add insult to injury…. The second best thing you can offer your beloved is a sincere apology, along with a well-thought-out explanation for why you did what you did. But do not say, “I am sorry”, if you do not mean it. You will only cause worse pain by issuing hollow sentiments…. If you do not feel this way, then rather than offering false platitudes, use your communication skills to offer your perspective and work through the impasse. Your partner will appreciate your candor. The act of forgiveness requires that you rise above your negative human feelings and release them in order to find your way back to the spiritual source of your being. No easy task, of course, but a very necessary one in the arena of love….

Give Up Negativity
Whether it’s an inconsiderate action, a broken agreement, or violation of your shared ethics…you will be faced with a choice: keep the negative feelings by holding a grudge, thereby driving a wedge between you and your partner, or release them through forgiveness….
 
A wound inflicted in the context of a love relationship is one of the most painful. The very nature of love relationships is based on the partners’ ability to rely on one another and to behave in respectful, loving ways. The emotions that underlie your union will make any hurt feel more intense and any wound harder to heal.
The forgiveness process has two prongs: the thoughts that come up in response to the offense, and the feelings. The thoughts and feelings are interwoven; they are linked together in a spiraling dance of realization and reaction. Your thoughts… are what echo in your mind as you wonder if your partner is still worth the effort or decide that what has happened is unfair and out of the realm of what you bargained for.
 
Feelings, on the other hand…are the intangible, raw emotions that arise in response to your thoughts. You may feel angry, resentful, betrayed, or emotionally abandoned. Feelings are the non-rational gut reactions that radiate out from your emotional core.
 
The thought process is the way you run facts through your mind and attempt to understand what motivated your partner to act that way…. Minds, before fully forgiving, search for ongoing evidence that the wrong will not be repeated.
Mental forgiveness involves a weighing process…. You will need to weigh the satisfaction of being righteous against the burden of holding on to your anger. When you decide that carrying your grudge and punishing your partner is no longer worth your valuable time and energy, you will then be able to fully release the issue from your mind….

Major Transgression
If you are feeling disappointed, let down, or hurt, then you must process these emotions by fully experiencing, expressing, and then releasing them in order to truly heal. By venting your feelings, you can process the transgression and let it work its way out of your system. The more severe the wrongdoing, the longer the time required for healing.
 
Ultimately, forgiveness comes when you are able to view your partner as a human who has weaknesses that need to be forgiven…. Making this inner shift is what moves you into the realm of the Divine.
Forgiveness in not easy. Whether the transgression is minor or major, time alone will not repair the fracture unless you actively work to release any pain or anger.
If Love Is A Game, These Are The Rules, Broadway Books

~ Thanks to CHERIE CARTER-SCOTT
Rajiv M

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6 thoughts on “Healing Hurts Is Not Easy

  1. Lovely article Cherie – That last statement sums is so important in forgiveness. It takes work to forgive, but it’s so worth it. Thank you Rajiv for sharing and thank you using my link. I appreciate that!

    1. Yeah! Carolyn Hughes, and I feel like the last statement said as advice for me by the author – “If Love Is A Game, These Are The Rules, Broadway Books” was a very true line :-) . .
      Thank you for visiting my Blog Carolyn Hughes…

  2. Love your thoughts here. Negativity cannot dwell here. Forgiveness is essential to abundant life.
    Thank you so much for mentioning my blogpost – Does Time Heal All Things – Love and Forgiveness (janrmiesse.com). I appreciate it. You are amazing. Be blessed beyond.. bloom on.

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